A loss

The day after NJ State, I headed off to Cape Cod with Diane. Vacation = an alternate location, vacation food, more obstacles to prevent me from exercising as much as I need. I tried to keep up my efforts, but the race had been what I’d worked toward, and now, with it behind me, I lost some of my momentum. Still, I saw old friends and they said how great I looked, and this helped me motivate to get out and run. There was a race hangover, there was ice cream I probably shouldn’t have eaten, but I was still moving.

A week into our three week trip, my mom called to tell me my dad had passed away and I needed to drive back from Massachusetts to New York for his memorial service on Long Island. I had been expecting this call.

My dad had suffered from progressive dementia, and had been in nursing care for years. His was a painful, seemingly endless decline that was unbearable to observe and obviously unbearable to endure. In early July he’d gotten pnuemonia and been put on hospice. My siblings had all come in from out of town to see him. We’d sat with him, sung to him, given him as much comfort as we could.

Diane and I had grappled with not going on vacation. Even though we’d paid for our beach rental, we didn’t want to leave my mom to keep vigil on her own. Still she urged us to go. We’d packed clothes for ourselves and Valentine to wear at his funeral and brought them along, just in case we needed them. And now we needed them.  

My dad had been a difficult figure in my life. As the youngest of six children, I think I got a different version of him than the others did. So we all took the loss differently. I think I was maybe the most ambivalent. But I felt surrounded by warmth and happiness as my family gathered to remember him, and was glad to stand up and read a poem from one of his favorite poets --William Carlos Williams-- at his service. It was a pretty day, sunny and cool, and my family seemed to be at its best.

After the funeral we returned to our vacation and didn’t return until the third week of August. By then I’d put on a few pounds and not done all the workouts I’d really needed or wanted to. Still, I did manage to complete two more triathlons (TriRock Asbury Park and Hightstown Tri) in August and September, and a 10 mile run in October.

My family at dad's funeral.