When will we ever learn?

The downward slide probably began with my injury and then the deflated feeling that came after NJ State, but worsened during a brutally cold winter. Work stress reached a fever pitch, the battle with my ex over custody of my daughter had grown more intense and vitriolic, and by November I was only running a little, and pounds were slipping back on.  

I did do the Hamilton Hangover 5 Miler on January 1, 2014, and was three minutes slower than the previous year, but still felt grateful to be moving. The winter was one of the worst on record in New Jersey’s history. Mountains of snow, constant snow days, schedules upended at every turn. We got a treadmill and Diane learned to love it, but I just couldn’t get it. I had tried to get back to masters swimming the fall, but chronic pain in my shoulder combined with everything else I had going on, has sidelined me. Still, in January I went back to my masters swimming three days a week. That was about all the exercise I could muster through the worst of the winter. It wasn’t a lot, but it was something.

Diane and I went back to Key West and did the half marathon there in the third week of January. But since I hadn’t trained nearly enough, the half marathon was hell. I got to find out exactly how punishing it is, self sabotaging, really, to complete an event when you are not trained for it. The soles of my feet got blisters. Everything got blisters. It was miserable. The sun and sand were great, but the race didn’t leave me eager to sign up for my next event. It just left me tired.

My running got even more intermittent after that, but I hung on to the swimming. I even signed up for and competed in two masters swim meets, bringing home a couple of medals from one of them.

Work and stress continued to grind me down. I was back up to my old habits, eating chocolate and hoarding sweets in my bedside table drawer. I felt out of control and jittery. Then my pharmacy ran out of one of my medications and gave me an alternative that didn’t work, sending my mood into a tailspin in early March. It got corrected but not before I was completely rattled and off balance.

By Valentine’s birthday in April I had gotten back up to 181lbs. Still 46lbs less than I’d been at my worst, but 20lbs heavier than I’d been at the time of my bike accident.

I realized something had to be done. Here I was, someone who had come through a serious injury and gotten right back into racing only to be felled by a load of heavy day to day stress. It’s not okay to only keep going when it’s a crisis. Day to day is key, and exercise and eating right are what mitigate that. No matter how many times I learn this lesson, it never seems to sink in all the way.